I'm Still Here
by zero434
Summary: Hey dad look at me.Think back and talk to me. Did I grow up according to plan? And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along. ACE


**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and The song 'Perfect' is by Simple Plan**

**AN: I suggest listening to the song while reading this**

**Hey dad look at me**

**Think back and talk to me**

**Did I grow up according to plan?**

**And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?**

**But it hurts when you disapprove all along**

"Alfred!" the brushy browed male yelled to his sons who were still horsing around in the rain at their backyard.

"Alfred! Matthew! Come inside now!"he heard groaning coming from his eldest as he picked up his football while his youngest just followed in silently.

"By God you are both so wet! Stay there and let me get you towels."

As Arthur gave his sons the towels he proceeded to lecturing them about the dangers of staying out and playing in the rain.

"But dad! How am I suppose to become and super professional football player and be super rich and get the chicks if I can't even stand a little rain!" Alfred said before he sneezed.

"You know you wouldn't need to catch pneumonia if you become a lawyer you know." Arthur crouched down to his so he was eye to eye with his seven year old.

"You would make lots of money and you wouldn't get any injuries. Plus you get to help people! You would be a hero like you want to! Isn't that better?" Alfred just puffed his cheeks and turned away to look at his brother.

"I don't want to become some stuffy adult in a suit! Matthew can be the lawyer! He also wants to be a superhero like me to that would be the perfect job for him!" then the boy ran up to his room, living a trail of water. Arthur sighed.

"Well, I guess you will daddy's little lawyer huh Matthew." He turned to his six year old and patted his head before going after the mass of energy messing up his home.

Had Arthur stay he would have heard his youngest son's opinion in the matter.

"But I want to be a writer like you."

**And now I try hard to make it**

**I just want to make you proud**

**I'm never gonna be good enough for you**

**I can't pretend that**

**I'm alright**

**And you can't change me**

"How do you suppose you are going to get to go to a decent university or even college with these kinds of marks?" Arthur massaged his head as he looked at Alfred's report card.

"My marks are decent enough to get in a college that would help me with my chosen career." He replied in a defensive tone.

"Oh and pray tell want kind of career is that!" Shot back Arthur.

"I'm going to play football!"

"Alfred it's time to set aside these childish dreams and think about reality! Face it! Your chances of becoming a successful athlete are a million to one!" he yelled losing his patience

"Well maybe if you came to my games once in a while you would see that I do have a chance!" the boy countered.

"OKAY! Let's just you make it by some miracle! That doesn't me it's a secured job! One bad injury and you're out!" Arthur got up from his seat and went over to his son and clasped his shoulder.

"Son be realistic! You can't go on with these childish fantasie-" before he could finish Alfred rushed out the room bumping into Matthew in the process. Arthur sighed.

"How about you? Let me see your report card." Matthew stepped forward and had his card to Arthur and waited quietly for his father's reaction.

"Hmm... this is way better than your brothers." Matthew smiled. That was the closest thing he will get as a compliment.

"But I can't help but notice you have an awful lot of art and history subjects... You aren't planning to be writer or some kind of artist are you?" the boy stiffened for a moment before shaking his head.

"No dad. It's just the law and business stuff is offered to grade elevens and twelve." He lied.

"Good because good knows only a few people could actually make a good living out of writing, painting or any kind of arts." With that he dismissed his son. But if he had looked carefully he would have seen tears starting to fall for his youngest face. Tears that were not unlike his brother's.

**'Cuz we lost it all **

**Nothing lasts forever**

**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**

**Now it's just too late and **

**We can't go backI**

**'m sorry I can't be perfect**

**I try not to think**

**About the pain I feel inside**

**Did you know you used to be my hero?**

**All the days you spent with me**

**Now seem so far away**

**And it feels like you don't care anymore**

Matthew was patiently waiting for his brother to come out of the change rooms.

"Hey Mattie! Let's go!" and they started to walk toward the parking lot where Al's car was.

"You were great out there Al" he said with a smile.

"For sure! I'm the best there is Mat." He said with a sad smile.

"Now only if dad would see that then maybe he wouldn't be so opposed of me wanting to become a professional."

"Yeah and I mean it Al your really good."

"Thanks." Then they both sighed and got in to the car.

"I wonder when that started to change. He use to be..." Alfred didn't finish and just started the engine.

"Use to be our hero, right?" Matthew finished for him.

"Yeah."

"Maybe It's just the stress. He's working two jobs to support us after all. Writing alone isn't enough to keep this family going." Alfred just nodded and concentrated on the road.

**And now I try hard to make it **

**I just want to make you proud **

**I'm never gonna be good enough for you**

**I can't stand another fight**

**And nothing's alright**

"Where do you think you're going?" Arthur demanded.

"Away from you! I'm sick of your controlling ways old man!" Alfred grabbed the keys and jacket then made his way to the door.

"Why you-! Fine! See if I care! Go to where ever the hell you want!"Alfred ran into the rain to his car not turning his back even once.

Matthew silently watched as his father slammed the door.

They didn't know that it would the last time they would ever see Alfred bearing anymore emotions.

**'Cuz we lost it all **

**Nothing lasts forever**

**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**

**Now it's just too late and **

**We can't go back**

**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**

**Nothing's gonna change the things that you said**

**Nothing's gonna make this right again**

**Please don't turn your back**

**I can't believe it's hard**

**Just to talk to you**

**But you don't understand**

Matthew opened the door to his room and mechanically laid down on his bed. It was his graduation day and in a month or so he would be starting his job in one of the most respectable law firm in the province.

It was also the day he lost his brother some years back. He couldn't help but wonder why the weather couldn't be as sunny as it is to today when his brother walked out on them back then. Maybe then things would be different.

Closing his eyes he taught back at the day of the funeral. He sat beside his sobbing father and was looking to the coffin in front of them.

"Why am I always left alone." It was almost inaudible but Matthew heard it.

"I'm still hear dad." He words fell unto deaf ears.

**'Cuz we lost it all **

**Nothing lasts forever**

**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**

**Now it's just too late and **

**We can't go back**

**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**

**'Cuz we lost it all **

**Nothing lasts forever**

**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**

**Now it's just too late and **

**We can't go back**

**I'm sorry I can't be perfect**


End file.
